Thank you for your honest writing. I missed most of my high school years to what I now attribute to burnout, as I've recently realised I'm AuDHD. I provide private music tuition specialising now in neurodivergent learners, I've always been striving for sessions to be learner led and have gone against the norm of formal music education, which was not aligned with my learning needs. Half of my pupils are home educated. I would love to chat to you about your music set up, as it looks and sounds great, and perhaps we could learn from each other.
Ahh, I resonate with so much of this.. thank you for sharing so openly, Jennie. I love that you’re creating a learner-led music space for neurodivergent kids - that’s powerful work. I’d absolutely love to connect and chat more about our setups and approaches. Be great to share ideas! ♥️🙏🏽
This is so important, and your offering a free resource for educators is so thoughtful! As someone who very much related throughout their educational experience, I am so happy to see you advocating so passionately for neurodivergent children and their needs. Thank you so much for this!!
Hi Fi, Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement - it’s very validating 😌 I am quite moved to see how my story and what I have to offer is being valued and recognised in the Substack community, unlike on other platforms I’ve tried to share on. I’m so glad you could relate and feel seen in my story 😊
I hated every single second of being at school. I screamed and cried on my very first day and was selectively mute for many weeks because it was all too much. As I got older, it only got worse because I was bullied by my peers and I always had a sense that even though I was "good" in the sense that I was quiet and didn't disrupt anything, teachers thought I was a very average student and person. One even laughed when I said I wasn't going to university straight after school.
I've since been, starting at 28, graduating at 31 with a First. I've figured out I am autistic. A part of me would love to be able to tell all my teachers it wasn't that I was just shy or just not wanting to engage, I was autistic and terrified. But, it would be pointless. None of them would remember me.
I am glad someone like you is working with children in a way that suits them. You are paving the way for change. 🖤
Your share brought tears to my eyes and truth bumps all over my body. I’m so sorry you went through all of that. It sounds like you’ve had so much to overcome. Your story matters deeply, and I’m so glad my words helped you feel seen. Seeing and hearing you!! Xox
Mother of neurodiverse boy of 8 here and I’m just gonna drop this and tiptoe away…
It’s very real. Regardless of how much Districts talk about safety in schools and trust required by parents. I trust no one with my cub. How could you?
Oh mama, I feel this. You don’t need to tiptoe here love ❤️ I’m so glad you shared. That fierce protective love is real, and completely justified. Trust has to be earned, and so often… it just isn’t. I’m so sorry you and your boy went through that. Motivates me to continue writing for justice and change. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing! Xo
Thank you so much for this breath of fresh air on neurodivergent kids and school (society as a whole really). It’s unfair in so many ways. Forced to learn in a way that does not suit. Over-using the word “resilience" but really meaning conforming and suppressing natural and healthy emotions and reactions to overwhelm, mistreatment and disrespect. I was one of these kids and my two are like this too so this really resonated. We homeschool now as we just never found someone like you to teach and understand them. Not through lack of trying either. I actually love that they're getting the breathing room from expectations and pressures and allowed to form their own opinions, able to gain confidence about who they truly are before they go out into this crazy world for real. Please keep writing about this ❤️
Ahh… this means so much… Thank you for sharing a piece of your story. I feel that deeply—how painful and disorienting it is to be a kid (or parent) in a system that misunderstands and pathologises what is actually a completely valid way of being. “Resilience” gets thrown around like a badge of honour… when what they really mean is silence… suppression… shapeshifting into something more palatable.
Your choice to homeschool sounds like an act of such fierce love and clarity… what a gift you’re giving your kids—the breathing space to become… to trust themselves… to feel safe in their own minds and bodies before having to navigate the noise of the world. That’s powerful. And needed.
I’ll absolutely keep writing about this… and I’m so glad it resonated. We’re not alone in this shift. Big love x
Abuse culture is going to be the next big cultural unpacking and I’m here for it. Thank you for naming it. I was sent to the principals office so often for sticking up for the basic respect of myself and other students. Autism means I couldn’t make dignity not matter.
Yes… this. Abuse culture runs so deep… and for so long it’s been disguised as discipline, authority, “tough love”… but really it’s about control… compliance… power. And like you said—when you’re autistic, you feel the injustice in your bones. You can’t not respond. Dignity always matters… even when the system pretends it doesn’t.
I see you. And I’m right there with you in this cultural unpacking… it’s about bloody time. Xo
Hi Joanna thanks for sharing. And yep.. I couldn’t agree more. After working across multiple sectors, including government, and witnessing many ND friends struggling in the system - I’ve seen how deeply embedded these dynamics are.
The same systems that create fear and silence in classrooms often show up in workplaces too.. rigid hierarchies, lack of psychological safety, performative inclusion.
It’s no wonder so many ND adults carry the same wounds they picked up in school straight into the workplace.
But recognising this is the first step, and from there, we get to choose differently. Which really means taking back our power, doing the inner work, and realising we don’t have to live that way anymore.
Thanks again for your reflection and being part of the conversation ♥️🙏🏽
Thank you for the work you’re doing, April. it’s so, so important. The fact that you want to change your class already says so much. Your school and kids are lucky to have you ♥️♥️
I hope these resources can support you in some way:
Wow! I identify with everything you said. My own son had so much difficulty and we as parents had difficulty with his school that we eventually took him out of school in the 8th grade. We got him in an online school and he thrived. Also it probably helped he was comfortable with us. Something that never happened with me in my own childhood home. Thank you for all you do.
I love hash browns (who doesn’t?!) thank you so much for sharing this. It means a lot. Your son is so lucky to have you in his corner… and how amazing that he was able to thrive once the environment felt right. That’s everything!
I really feel you on the part about your own childhood too… breaking cycles and doing things differently for our kids is no small feat. But what a privilege. Thanks again for your kind words 🙏🏽
Those unwritten rules of the classroom… yeah that’s real. I am ashamed to say I found it pretty near impossible to work as a primary school class teacher without leaning on those norms - sometimes overtly, sometimes less so.
In 2022, I took a break from teaching. It felt impossible to participate in the charade of frog marching diverse humans through a one-size-fits-no-one curriculum.
I think the experience of teaching during the pandemic, where wellbeing was given an unusually high priority, exposed the “business as usual” classroom’s flaws.
I am an educator in my heart though and even though I knew I couldn’t be the enforcer I felt I had to be as a class teacher, I fell back in love with the classroom in a new role as a teaching assistant. With the TA hat on, I feel like I am much more able to meet children where they are. I know I am making a difference by making space around kids to be who they are.
The education system is not about to change any time soon but I’m grateful that I’ve found a way to be involved that feels like I am enabling kids to learn by “using” their idiosyncrasies rather than trying to “fix” them.
I have had to make my peace with the impact of that on my “career” and that is its own struggle BUT I am much more comfortable with the effect I am having on the curiosity and motivation of the young people I work with and that is its own reward.
Wow… thank you for sharing this with such honesty, Jenny. I feel every word. The “unwritten rules” really do wrap around us, often without us realising just how much we’ve absorbed them until we try to teach in ways that go against our own inner compass.
I resonate deeply with what you said about the pandemic pulling back the curtain. That glimpse of what could be — when wellbeing took priority — made “business as usual” even harder to return to. And your line about “frog marching diverse humans through a one-size-fits-no-one curriculum”… yes. That image is painfully accurate.
I really admire the way you’ve reimagined your role — stepping into the TA space and choosing connection over control. That is radical. That’s where so much quiet, powerful change happens. Holding space for kids to be who they are is no small thing. It’s transformative. I'm writing a book about how we shift from compliance to connection at the moment, and would love to draw on the comments and experiences from my community here - so thank you for sharing so honestly!
And yes, grieving what it means for a “career” is real too… but the legacy you’re building — helping kids learn through their uniqueness rather than in spite of it — is something no traditional title could measure. I see the courage in that. Thank you for doing what you do. 💛
Thank you for writing this. So much needed to be said. I love how you see children for what they need and their true capabilities, rather than rules they do not confirm to. Your empathy and gentleness brought me to tears.
Gosh I wish my child had encountered you when in the mainstream system. I hope my daughter encounters teachers like you. I wish all the ‘no nonsense’ teachers everywhere could read this. I had an art teacher like you and I remember all the kids breathed a sigh of relief when art lessons came around.. Thank you for sharing how to meet children with kindness, understanding and safety. X
Truth be told, I haven't read all of this yet. I was caught up in how much it means to me and how much it resonated.
So many things to say on this subject -and can't work out if I can message you directly - but a detect a fellow sacred soul and I've had an idea brewing for what feels like forever - that I feel you'd be invaluable with.
I'm a ex mainstream English teacher and current 1-1 teacher of ALevel psychology in a school for ND+ young folk, cos like you, my nervous system wouldn't stand a chance - especially with a child.
I've written apologies - for myself - about all the ways I've fucked up as a teacher in not fully acknowledging the 'the grey kids' (me) in my career.
Ahh, I felt this so deeply. Kindred spirits, for sure ♥️ I’d love to hear more about your idea when the time’s right.. it sounds powerful already. And those apologies? Yep, I’ve done something similar - was the only way I could move forward. Ironic isn’t it that we were never shown how to support the “grey kids”… we had to become them first. All part of this wild journey hey! Full circle! Thanks for sharing! X
Yes. Yes. and yes. If a 6 year old suddenly develops selective mutism in a classroom. It’s the teacher, and the environment they facilitate ( in the system they are pressured to maintain). We need to recognize this in children, especially the freeze response, constantly being mistaken for compliance/ focus and defiance, when work is not produced.
Yes, yes, yes! You’ve nailed it. The freeze response is so often misunderstood.. and it breaks my heart how many children are praised or punished for what is actually shutdown. We have to start seeing these nervous system responses for what they are. Thank you for saying it so clearly. ♥️🙏🏽
Thank you for your honest writing. I missed most of my high school years to what I now attribute to burnout, as I've recently realised I'm AuDHD. I provide private music tuition specialising now in neurodivergent learners, I've always been striving for sessions to be learner led and have gone against the norm of formal music education, which was not aligned with my learning needs. Half of my pupils are home educated. I would love to chat to you about your music set up, as it looks and sounds great, and perhaps we could learn from each other.
Ahh, I resonate with so much of this.. thank you for sharing so openly, Jennie. I love that you’re creating a learner-led music space for neurodivergent kids - that’s powerful work. I’d absolutely love to connect and chat more about our setups and approaches. Be great to share ideas! ♥️🙏🏽
This is so important, and your offering a free resource for educators is so thoughtful! As someone who very much related throughout their educational experience, I am so happy to see you advocating so passionately for neurodivergent children and their needs. Thank you so much for this!!
Hi Fi, Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement - it’s very validating 😌 I am quite moved to see how my story and what I have to offer is being valued and recognised in the Substack community, unlike on other platforms I’ve tried to share on. I’m so glad you could relate and feel seen in my story 😊
Thank you writing this, Nicole.
I hated every single second of being at school. I screamed and cried on my very first day and was selectively mute for many weeks because it was all too much. As I got older, it only got worse because I was bullied by my peers and I always had a sense that even though I was "good" in the sense that I was quiet and didn't disrupt anything, teachers thought I was a very average student and person. One even laughed when I said I wasn't going to university straight after school.
I've since been, starting at 28, graduating at 31 with a First. I've figured out I am autistic. A part of me would love to be able to tell all my teachers it wasn't that I was just shy or just not wanting to engage, I was autistic and terrified. But, it would be pointless. None of them would remember me.
I am glad someone like you is working with children in a way that suits them. You are paving the way for change. 🖤
Your share brought tears to my eyes and truth bumps all over my body. I’m so sorry you went through all of that. It sounds like you’ve had so much to overcome. Your story matters deeply, and I’m so glad my words helped you feel seen. Seeing and hearing you!! Xox
Mother of neurodiverse boy of 8 here and I’m just gonna drop this and tiptoe away…
It’s very real. Regardless of how much Districts talk about safety in schools and trust required by parents. I trust no one with my cub. How could you?
https://goodtothinkwith.substack.com/p/a-teacher-told-my-kid-his-existence
Oh mama, I feel this. You don’t need to tiptoe here love ❤️ I’m so glad you shared. That fierce protective love is real, and completely justified. Trust has to be earned, and so often… it just isn’t. I’m so sorry you and your boy went through that. Motivates me to continue writing for justice and change. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing! Xo
Thank you so much for this breath of fresh air on neurodivergent kids and school (society as a whole really). It’s unfair in so many ways. Forced to learn in a way that does not suit. Over-using the word “resilience" but really meaning conforming and suppressing natural and healthy emotions and reactions to overwhelm, mistreatment and disrespect. I was one of these kids and my two are like this too so this really resonated. We homeschool now as we just never found someone like you to teach and understand them. Not through lack of trying either. I actually love that they're getting the breathing room from expectations and pressures and allowed to form their own opinions, able to gain confidence about who they truly are before they go out into this crazy world for real. Please keep writing about this ❤️
Ahh… this means so much… Thank you for sharing a piece of your story. I feel that deeply—how painful and disorienting it is to be a kid (or parent) in a system that misunderstands and pathologises what is actually a completely valid way of being. “Resilience” gets thrown around like a badge of honour… when what they really mean is silence… suppression… shapeshifting into something more palatable.
Your choice to homeschool sounds like an act of such fierce love and clarity… what a gift you’re giving your kids—the breathing space to become… to trust themselves… to feel safe in their own minds and bodies before having to navigate the noise of the world. That’s powerful. And needed.
I’ll absolutely keep writing about this… and I’m so glad it resonated. We’re not alone in this shift. Big love x
Abuse culture is going to be the next big cultural unpacking and I’m here for it. Thank you for naming it. I was sent to the principals office so often for sticking up for the basic respect of myself and other students. Autism means I couldn’t make dignity not matter.
Yes… this. Abuse culture runs so deep… and for so long it’s been disguised as discipline, authority, “tough love”… but really it’s about control… compliance… power. And like you said—when you’re autistic, you feel the injustice in your bones. You can’t not respond. Dignity always matters… even when the system pretends it doesn’t.
I see you. And I’m right there with you in this cultural unpacking… it’s about bloody time. Xo
Beautiful, thank you. Im with you!!! I’m so grateful for this space. Let’s go!!!!
Unfortunately I feel that a lot of companies operate in exactly the same way.
Hi Joanna thanks for sharing. And yep.. I couldn’t agree more. After working across multiple sectors, including government, and witnessing many ND friends struggling in the system - I’ve seen how deeply embedded these dynamics are.
The same systems that create fear and silence in classrooms often show up in workplaces too.. rigid hierarchies, lack of psychological safety, performative inclusion.
It’s no wonder so many ND adults carry the same wounds they picked up in school straight into the workplace.
But recognising this is the first step, and from there, we get to choose differently. Which really means taking back our power, doing the inner work, and realising we don’t have to live that way anymore.
Thanks again for your reflection and being part of the conversation ♥️🙏🏽
Thank you. Im a teacher who wants to change her class.
Thank you for the work you’re doing, April. it’s so, so important. The fact that you want to change your class already says so much. Your school and kids are lucky to have you ♥️♥️
I hope these resources can support you in some way:
https://nicolespartels.gumroad.com/l/ebookneuroaffirmingclassroom
http://nicolespartels.gumroad.com/l/SensoryClassroomActionPlan
and I’m cheering you on every step of the way!
Wow! I identify with everything you said. My own son had so much difficulty and we as parents had difficulty with his school that we eventually took him out of school in the 8th grade. We got him in an online school and he thrived. Also it probably helped he was comfortable with us. Something that never happened with me in my own childhood home. Thank you for all you do.
I love hash browns (who doesn’t?!) thank you so much for sharing this. It means a lot. Your son is so lucky to have you in his corner… and how amazing that he was able to thrive once the environment felt right. That’s everything!
I really feel you on the part about your own childhood too… breaking cycles and doing things differently for our kids is no small feat. But what a privilege. Thanks again for your kind words 🙏🏽
Oh this resonates - thank you for writing this!!
Glad to hear it resonates Jenny, curious what aspects and how if you felt like sharing! ♥️🙏🏽
Those unwritten rules of the classroom… yeah that’s real. I am ashamed to say I found it pretty near impossible to work as a primary school class teacher without leaning on those norms - sometimes overtly, sometimes less so.
In 2022, I took a break from teaching. It felt impossible to participate in the charade of frog marching diverse humans through a one-size-fits-no-one curriculum.
I think the experience of teaching during the pandemic, where wellbeing was given an unusually high priority, exposed the “business as usual” classroom’s flaws.
I am an educator in my heart though and even though I knew I couldn’t be the enforcer I felt I had to be as a class teacher, I fell back in love with the classroom in a new role as a teaching assistant. With the TA hat on, I feel like I am much more able to meet children where they are. I know I am making a difference by making space around kids to be who they are.
The education system is not about to change any time soon but I’m grateful that I’ve found a way to be involved that feels like I am enabling kids to learn by “using” their idiosyncrasies rather than trying to “fix” them.
I have had to make my peace with the impact of that on my “career” and that is its own struggle BUT I am much more comfortable with the effect I am having on the curiosity and motivation of the young people I work with and that is its own reward.
Wow… thank you for sharing this with such honesty, Jenny. I feel every word. The “unwritten rules” really do wrap around us, often without us realising just how much we’ve absorbed them until we try to teach in ways that go against our own inner compass.
I resonate deeply with what you said about the pandemic pulling back the curtain. That glimpse of what could be — when wellbeing took priority — made “business as usual” even harder to return to. And your line about “frog marching diverse humans through a one-size-fits-no-one curriculum”… yes. That image is painfully accurate.
I really admire the way you’ve reimagined your role — stepping into the TA space and choosing connection over control. That is radical. That’s where so much quiet, powerful change happens. Holding space for kids to be who they are is no small thing. It’s transformative. I'm writing a book about how we shift from compliance to connection at the moment, and would love to draw on the comments and experiences from my community here - so thank you for sharing so honestly!
And yes, grieving what it means for a “career” is real too… but the legacy you’re building — helping kids learn through their uniqueness rather than in spite of it — is something no traditional title could measure. I see the courage in that. Thank you for doing what you do. 💛
Oh this hits my heart. Thankgoodness we are learning to do better xxx
We can always do better! 💕💕
Thank you for writing this. So much needed to be said. I love how you see children for what they need and their true capabilities, rather than rules they do not confirm to. Your empathy and gentleness brought me to tears.
Tory - this means the world. Thank you for reading with such an open heart 🥹♥️🙏🏽
Brilliant. Thank you thank you thank you.
Thank you sweet one!!
Gosh I wish my child had encountered you when in the mainstream system. I hope my daughter encounters teachers like you. I wish all the ‘no nonsense’ teachers everywhere could read this. I had an art teacher like you and I remember all the kids breathed a sigh of relief when art lessons came around.. Thank you for sharing how to meet children with kindness, understanding and safety. X
Hi Hannah ♥️🥹 Thank you for your beautiful message. I hope with all my heart your daughter meets teachers who truly see her. Xo
Truth be told, I haven't read all of this yet. I was caught up in how much it means to me and how much it resonated.
So many things to say on this subject -and can't work out if I can message you directly - but a detect a fellow sacred soul and I've had an idea brewing for what feels like forever - that I feel you'd be invaluable with.
I'm a ex mainstream English teacher and current 1-1 teacher of ALevel psychology in a school for ND+ young folk, cos like you, my nervous system wouldn't stand a chance - especially with a child.
I've written apologies - for myself - about all the ways I've fucked up as a teacher in not fully acknowledging the 'the grey kids' (me) in my career.
Ahh, I felt this so deeply. Kindred spirits, for sure ♥️ I’d love to hear more about your idea when the time’s right.. it sounds powerful already. And those apologies? Yep, I’ve done something similar - was the only way I could move forward. Ironic isn’t it that we were never shown how to support the “grey kids”… we had to become them first. All part of this wild journey hey! Full circle! Thanks for sharing! X
Yes. Yes. and yes. If a 6 year old suddenly develops selective mutism in a classroom. It’s the teacher, and the environment they facilitate ( in the system they are pressured to maintain). We need to recognize this in children, especially the freeze response, constantly being mistaken for compliance/ focus and defiance, when work is not produced.
Yes, yes, yes! You’ve nailed it. The freeze response is so often misunderstood.. and it breaks my heart how many children are praised or punished for what is actually shutdown. We have to start seeing these nervous system responses for what they are. Thank you for saying it so clearly. ♥️🙏🏽